Ms. Bunny Lumpkins | A Cottage Produce Fairytale

Once upon a time, in the emerald forest of Hoppinshire…

there lived a bunny, of the proper sort, called Ms. Bunny Lumpkins. Wearing a three-quarter length petticoat dress, made of skutched linen and dyed indigo, Ms. Bunny Lumpkins was a self sufficient madam with a keen eye for manners. Whether it be table manners, or proper etiquette during Tea Time, one would surely receive a lifeless stare of disapproval if they showed up wearing hard-buttoned coveralls to Tea. Because such things will scratch the cherrywood chairs of course! For Heaven’s sake, where was I…

Oh yes, Tea Time! Which happened thrice daily, whether one showed up or not. Just about nothing could interject the sipping of Tea. Thus, forest creatures gathered, momentarily, to sip tea on the forest floor or inside a proper den of some sort, approximately three times a day. Ms. Lumpkins hallowed tree, which served as her exquisite abode, was always a favorite amongst the forest. There was always a dish of hulled walnuts, cracks of sugar cane, loose Assam (in case anyone wanted an extra pinch), and a dish of the most recently foraged berry. All of which were delicacies of the highest sort; sourced from her trusted directory, Cottage Produce. Today, like any other day, the forest Bunno napiens feasted on a balanced diet of acidic jewels and protein.

As one can imagine, the forest is abundant with herbs and the canopy thick.

So thick, the inhabitants had evolved into fixtures of necessity over the eons. The daily gatherings of twigs, berries, nuts, and chews were accompanied by The Knotted Fairies, for not possible to see in the dark without them. Each Knotted Fairy looked like a few strands of balled-up, knotted hair –the sort of knot that happens when one prays his or her paws together and then rubs them in a circular motion, only to form a worthless knot that can be thrown on the floor and easily swept into the dustpan. That is what these fairy creatures looked like; and, when not aglow, the very sight of them makes one want to fetch a broom.

I digress, the fairies –yes. Despite their knotted appearance, they most typically glowed, as mentioned a few moments ago. A Knotted Fairy would choose its forest keeper for the day and then hover about his or her head in order to provide light. As you see, the forest canopy was so thick that perhaps there was light only sometimes. And even when there was light peeking through the dense forest, there was still, our knotted friends hovering about and stringing around –with trails of tiny sparks coming from an unknown orifice; like a tiny sputtering engine. However, the utility of such a creature was vital to the forest inhabitants, and when they did glow, they glowed according to one’s mood; and, changed colors accordingly. Dashing about, the forest knots glowed with beauty, up and around trees; frolicking among ferns; barrel rolling along side the bears; and catching the limbs of it’s keepers as they went along their daily foraging.

One such cool, emerald green afternoon, came Ms. Rotilda Swathbottom.

Her Knot could be seen through the forest, just a yonder den, about five sprints away and around a small bend. The Knot was bumbling about and flickering spirts of orange and brown in betwixt its static blue. Ms. Rotilda Swathbottom did not appreciate the forest floor, and tended to stomp and trip her way forward while holding her front petticoat with both paws. Bunny could see Rotilda grunting near and promptly power swept a pile of crumbs out the door from the previous Tea.

BUNNY, DARLING, have you heard?! belted Rotilda, as she inquired through her nasal passages and out the top of her head. Robert Thump Bunburn will be hopping through the forest on there after marrow and you’d best hide your well because Milton O’Liverbreath has already complained that he should have one too! she advised.

Bunny swooned for just a moment at the thought of Robert Thump Bunburn.  Rotilda exclaimed, HELLO. Get your head out of the briar patch my dear, the fine is twenty-eight green walnuts and fourteen comfrey cuttings! That is not my idea of a good foraging day! And I shall be off, Bun! I just came to notify you. I have things to do!

Yes, Ms. Rotilda, I am so grateful for your looking out for me. What would I do without you, my good neighbor, I do not know. said Ms. Bunny in a sweet, calm voice. Very well then, Deary. I will see you in three moons for our next gathering! and off she went the heffering of Ms. Rotilda back to her den.

The news of a visit from the forest inspector was not a surprise. The forest creatures had dug a well and installed a spigot right behind Ms. Lumpkins hallowed tree. The usual water hole was over 4 miles away and thus proving difficult for the residents of Hoppinshire. O’Liverbreath was as rank has his name –an unreasonable rabbit who was all of three yards from the water hole. What could he possibly be mad about? thought Bunny. Lumpkin’s tree was in the middle of a clearing, quite central to all; so, naturally, a well is most appropriate. Bunny was not worried atall; and, au contraire, looking forward to a visit from the dashing Bunburn.

… To be continued.

There exists other Cottage Produce Fairytales. Yes.